Introduction

Recently, while lying in bed watching videos, I came across a statistic: over 60% of young people report frequently feeling anxious and stressed. This made me reflect: why does our generation always live such a demanding life? Is it too much work pressure? Is life moving too fast? Or are our expectations too high?

Then one day, while reading psychologist Mel Robbins' work, I was struck by an insight: it turns out we're all like "warriors," constantly on edge, holding invisible swords, guarding against potential "attacks" that could come at any time. This constant state of vigilance not only consumes vast amounts of psychological energy but also causes us to miss many beautiful moments we should have enjoyed.

Come to think of it, since childhood, we've been taught to "prepare for rainy days" and "better safe than sorry," which isn't wrong in itself. However, the problem is that we've pushed this cautious mindset to the extreme, turning it into an overly defensive way of living. The first thing we do upon waking is check our phones, fearing we might miss important information; at work, we repeatedly check everything, afraid of making any mistakes; in social situations, we carefully calculate every move, fearing that one wrong word might offend someone.

Letting Go of Defense

I remember recently when I had to attend an important work meeting. I woke up at five that morning, constantly rehearsing various possible scenarios in my mind: What if I'm late due to traffic? What if there are problems with the PPT format? What if the leader asks tricky questions? What if colleagues try to take credit for my work? These "what-ifs" circled in my mind like a carousel, making my heart race.

When I got to the company, I sat in the meeting room half an hour early, checking the materials over and over. It wasn't until the meeting started that I realized my worries were completely unnecessary. Not only did I not encounter any of the imagined problems, but I actually received praise from leadership for being well-prepared. That's when I realized that the "sword" I had been clutching tightly hadn't protected me at all, but had instead become shackles restricting my performance.

This experience led me to try Mel Robbins' "putting down the sword" exercise. Specifically, whenever I notice myself in a tense, defensive state, I take a deep breath and tell myself: "I am safe now, I can relax." Gradually, I found my mindset becoming more relaxed, and my work efficiency actually improved.

Emotional Transformation

When it comes to emotional management, many people's first reaction is "don't have negative emotions" or "stay positive and optimistic." Social media is filled with "positive energy" posts, as if any negative emotions shouldn't exist. But in fact, these so-called negative emotions often contain important information, reflecting our true inner needs.

I have a friend, Xiao Lin, who is a designer. Once, when she saw her colleague's work receive praise from clients, she felt intense jealousy. According to her previous habits, she would have blamed herself for being "so narrow-minded" and forced herself to suppress these emotions. But this time, she tried Mel Robbins' method to explore the meaning behind this jealousy.

Through deep reflection, she discovered that she wasn't jealous of her colleague's success, but rather envied their courage to try new styles. This discovery made her realize that she had been constrained by her "comfort zone," afraid to break through and try new things. With this awareness, she began actively learning new design skills and trying different expression techniques. Half a year later, her work style became more diverse, and she received more orders than before.

Anger is also an emotion we often misunderstand. Many people think that getting angry is irrational, but anger often indicates that one of our important boundaries has been violated. For instance, when we feel angry about extra work assigned by our leader, it might mean our rest time and personal space are being threatened.

I experienced this situation last year. At that time, my leader would always assign me additional tasks right before getting off work. I would accept these assignments while suppressing my anger, resulting in increasingly blurred boundaries between work and life, leaving me physically and mentally exhausted. Later, I learned to face this anger and actively communicate with my leader about work time arrangements. It turned out my leader was understanding, and together we developed a more reasonable work plan.

Reshaping Through Setbacks

Young people today are particularly prone to self-doubt after minor setbacks. I often see friends born in the 90s and 00s questioning their entire lives after failing one exam or making one mistake at work. Actually, setbacks are like "speed bumps" in life, reminding us to slow down and re-examine our direction.

I have a junior schoolmate, Xiao Wang, who joined a well-known internet company after graduating with his master's degree last year. After starting work, he found his programming skills couldn't keep up with the team's pace, and his code was criticized several times during reviews. This made him very discouraged, and he even thought about resigning.

But when chatting with me, I suggested he treat these setbacks as a "diagnostic report" to see what specific problems were exposed: Was it weak foundational knowledge? Was his thinking not rigorous enough? Or did his work methods need improvement? Through this analysis, he discovered that he indeed lacked deep understanding of certain basic concepts.

So, he adjusted his learning plan, spending an hour after work every day reviewing basic knowledge and participating in technical community exchanges on weekends. Three months later, he not only caught up with the team's pace but also made many valuable suggestions for project optimization due to his deeper understanding of basic concepts.

Life Reconstruction

After discussing psychological adjustments, let's talk about specific methods for improving life. Often, the most effective way to improve mood is to start with small things around us. Just like organizing a room, when we keep all the details of life in good order, our mood naturally improves.

I've been practicing a "five-minute rule" recently: if something can be done within five minutes, do it immediately. For example, when I see an empty water glass on the desk, I wash it right away; when I receive a simple email, I reply immediately; when I notice wrinkled clothes, I steam them right away. This method not only helps avoid the pressure of accumulated tasks but also gives us a sense of achievement in controlling our lives.

Additionally, I've developed a habit of recording three things I'm grateful for each day. It might be enjoying a fragrant cup of coffee in the morning, feeling warm sunlight during lunch break, or receiving a caring message from a friend in the evening. These seemingly trivial things can help us maintain a positive mindset in our busy lives.

Environmental Optimization

Our living environment directly affects our psychological state. I've noticed that many friends feel irritable at home, often because of subtle disturbing factors in their environment.

For example, I have two cats, and I was always troubled by the litter box issue. Later, I converted an old diaper pail into a cat litter waste collection bin, which not only solved the odor problem but was also environmentally friendly. Now, the first thing I do when I get home is clean the litter box, and this process has become a ritualistic moment for me to relax.

Room lighting is also an easily overlooked factor. My work desk used to be near a corner, and I always felt my work efficiency was low. After moving the desk near the window, not only did it become more comfortable for my eyes, but my mood also became more cheerful. At the same time, I placed several green plants on the desk, and watching them grow day by day is also healing.

Adjusting the sound environment is also important. I've noticed many people like to have videos playing while working, but this easily distracts attention. Now I use white noise instead, like the sound of rain or ocean waves, which both blocks disturbances and calms the mind.

Efficiency Enhancement

In this age of information explosion, improving efficiency has become a required course for us. But many people understand improving efficiency as "doing things faster," when this mindset itself can cause pressure. True efficiency improvement is finding smarter methods to do things better, not faster.

I now use the "focus block" work method: dividing the day into several 90-minute work blocks, each focused on one important task. For example, 9:00-10:30 for handling the most important work, 10:30-11:00 for rest and relaxation, 11:00-12:30 for secondary tasks. This not only maintains high efficiency but also avoids excessive fatigue.

At the same time, I've established my own task classification system. All tasks are divided into four categories: "urgent and important," "important but not urgent," "urgent but not important," and "neither urgent nor important." This helps arrange time more clearly and avoid wasting energy on unimportant things.

I've also gained new insights into arranging rest time. I used to think rest meant scrolling through phones or watching videos, but ended up more tired after resting. Now I deliberately arrange some "active rest" activities, like walking, drawing, or learning a new skill. This not only allows for true relaxation but also enables growth.

Final Reflections

Through this period of practice, I've deeply realized that psychological adjustment isn't something that can be achieved overnight, but requires continuous practice and improvement. Just like we need to regularly organize our rooms, we also need to periodically do a deep cleaning of our psychological space.

Everyone experiences stress and anxiety; the key is how we deal with these emotions. Rather than treating them as enemies, we should see them as reminders and guidance from life. When we learn to listen to these signals, we can better understand ourselves and find a way of life that truly suits us.

Life isn't meant to be smooth sailing, and we don't need to put too much pressure on ourselves. Put down that invisible sword, open our hearts to embrace life, and we might discover many beautiful things waiting for us.

Finally, I want to say that everyone's situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. I hope these experiences and suggestions can provide some inspiration and help you find your own path to psychological self-help.

Sharing is a form of strength, and I look forward to hearing your story. If you have similar experiences or have mastered other practical methods, welcome to share in the comments. Let's support each other and live better versions of ourselves in this challenging era.